SOMEHOW, YOU KEEP ENDING UP BACK HERE
It’s not that you haven’t tried to fix it.
You’ve talked about it. Probably many times.
You may have agreed to communicate differently, be less defensive, stop bringing up the past, take a break before things escalate, or make more time for each other.
And yet, when the next difficult moment arrives, the same pattern seems to take over.
One of you pushes harder to be understood. The other becomes defensive or pulls away. A relatively small disagreement turns into something much bigger. Or maybe the conflict has become so exhausting that you’ve mostly stopped having the conversations at all.
Eventually, you’re not just fighting about the original problem. You’re fighting about what happens between you every time there is a problem.
Couples therapy might make sense if...
- You keep having different versions of the same fight.
- Conversations escalate much faster than either of you intends.
- One of you pursues the conversation while the other shuts down or pulls away.
- You struggle to feel heard without the conversation becoming a debate over whose version is correct.
- Resentment has accumulated and seems to show up in everything.
- You function well as a household or parenting team, but don’t feel particularly connected as a couple.
- Trust has been damaged and you aren’t sure what rebuilding it would actually require.
- You’re wondering whether the relationship can change, or whether you even want it to.
You don’t need to know exactly what you want from therapy before you start. Figuring that out can be part of the work.
Navigating life as a blended family?
Questions about parenting roles, loyalty, and household boundaries can put extra strain on your relationship. I also offer couples therapy focused on helping partners navigate stepfamily life together.
EXPLORE BLENDED FAMILY COUPLES THERAPY →WHERE WE START
Before you communicate better, you have to understand what keeps taking over.
Most couples who come to me already know they should communicate better.
The problem is that communication gets considerably harder when you’re hurt, angry, defensive, overwhelmed, or convinced the other person isn’t understanding you.
So we won’t only focus on what you’re saying.
We’ll pay attention to what happens in the moments when things begin to go sideways: what each of you notices, how you interpret what is happening, how you react, how your partner responds to that reaction, and how the cycle keeps reinforcing itself.
Then we can work on interrupting it.
The goal isn’t to eliminate disagreement. It’s to help you handle disagreement without repeatedly losing each other in the process.
Two things can be true at once.
You can love your partner deeply, AND feel incredibly angry with them right now.
You can want the relationship to work and wonder how much longer you can do this.
You can understand your partner’s perspective and still disagree with their behavior.
You can validate what someone is feeling without saying that everything they did was okay.
Good couples therapy makes room for complexity instead of forcing one of you to be right.
WHAT WE’LL ACTUALLY DO
Insight matters.
Practice matters too.
Understand the pattern
We’ll slow down the cycle that keeps repeating so both of you can see what happens before, during, and after things go off track.
Work on the hard moments
We’ll practice skills for emotional regulation, validation, conflict, communication, and repair when you’re not already ten minutes into the argument.
Try something different
Therapy shouldn’t only make sense while you’re sitting in my office. We’ll work toward changes you can actually use when you’re back at home and the real relationship is happening.
My couples work draws heavily from the Gottman Method alongside DBT, particularly when emotional intensity makes it difficult to use communication skills in the moment.
Couples therapy with an actual human.
I’m active in the room. I’ll slow you down when I see the familiar pattern taking over, help translate what each of you is trying to communicate, and point out the moments when what you’re doing is making it harder to get what you actually want.
I’m warm, direct, and practical. I use humor when there’s room for it.
And no, my job is not to decide which one of you is right.
MORE ABOUT SABA →Questions you might already be wondering about
What if my partner isn’t sure about couples therapy?
It’s common for two people to arrive with different levels of enthusiasm about therapy. An intro call can give you both a chance to meet me, ask questions, and get a clearer sense of what working together would look like.
What if I’m not sure I want to stay in the relationship?
You don’t need to pretend you’re certain. We can make room for uncertainty and work toward a clearer understanding of what’s happening and what each of you wants.
Are you going to take sides?
My role isn’t to determine who wins an argument. I’m interested in understanding the pattern between you, helping each person take responsibility for their part, and making room for both people’s experiences without treating every behavior as equally helpful.
What if my partner won’t come at all?
You can still work on relationship problems individually. Individual therapy can help you understand your own reactions and patterns, clarify boundaries and decisions, and change how you respond even when the other person isn’t participating.
The Details
- In person
- 405 Kains Avenue, Suite 201
Albany, CA 94706 - Online
- Throughout California
- Sessions + fee
- $250 for 45 minutes
- Insurance
- I’m not in-network with any insurance plans, but I can provide a superbill you can submit to your insurer for possible out-of-network reimbursement.
- Getting started
- Free 15-minute intro call
You don’t have to solve the whole relationship before you make the first call.
We’ll use a free 15-minute conversation to talk about what’s been happening, answer your questions, and see whether working together feels like a good fit.
BOOK A FREE 15-MINUTE INTRO CALLCouples therapy in Albany, CA + online throughout California
COUPLES THERAPY IN ALBANY + ONLINE THROUGHOUT CALIFORNIA
You Love Each Other. You’re Also Really Stuck.
When the same conflicts keep happening, conversations escalate or shut down, and neither of you knows how to get back to each other, couples therapy can help you understand what keeps going wrong and start doing something different.
Sound Familiar?
You miss feeling like a team.
The topic changes. The argument feels familiar. One of you keeps trying to explain, the other pulls away, and neither of you feels understood.
You may still care deeply about each other and feel exhausted by what keeps happening between you. Couples therapy can give you a place to slow things down and begin responding differently.
Recognize Some of This
You keep having the same argument, just about different things.
One of you shuts down while the other tries to keep talking.
It feels like you’re roommates more than partners.
Small disagreements turn into bigger fights fast.
You still love each other, but you’re not sure how to find your way back to each other.
Understand the pattern. Practice something different.
We’ll look at what happens when one of you feels hurt, criticized, or overwhelmed and how each response affects what happens next.
Slow down escalation. Recognize when emotions are taking over and practice ways to pause and return to the conversation.
Say what matters. Work on expressing needs and hearing each other without getting pulled into the familiar argument.
Find your way back. Practice repair after conflict and make room for connection in everyday life.
We’ll practice together, with tools to try between sessions. The pace and focus will depend on what your relationship needs.
Hi, I’m Saba.
I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist. I bring warmth, structure, and a willingness to be direct when a conversation gets stuck.
I make room for both of your experiences while helping you notice what each of you can do differently.
My work draws on the Gottman Method for connection and repair, DBT for navigating strong emotions, and my background in mediation and anger management for working through disagreement.
You don’t need to arrive knowing how to communicate perfectly. That’s part of what we can work on together.
There’s room for where you are now.
I work with couples navigating recurring conflict, emotional distance, a breach of trust, or a major life transition.
Some want to rebuild their connection. Some are unsure what comes next. Others want to strengthen a relationship that already matters to them.
We can talk about your situation on the intro call and whether my approach is a good fit.
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It’s common for one partner to feel more hesitant than the other, and that’s okay. A lot of couples start with just one person reaching out. We can talk through any concerns on the free intro call, and there’s no pressure to commit to anything beyond that.
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Talking about it on your own and working through it with support are different things. In session, we slow down enough to notice what’s actually happening between you, not just what you’re arguing about, so the conversation goes somewhere new instead of in circles.
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That uncertainty is a completely valid reason to start therapy. Some couples come in to rebuild, and some come in to get clarity on what’s next either way. My job isn’t to push you toward one outcome. It’s to help you understand what’s happening so you can make that decision with more clarity.
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Sessions are $250 for 45 minutes. I’m not in-network with any insurance plans, but I can provide a superbill you can submit to your insurer for possible out-of-network reimbursement.
Start with a conversation.
You don’t have to figure out the future of your relationship before reaching out.
In a free 15-minute intro call, we’ll talk briefly about what brings you here, what you’re hoping for, and your questions about working together. Then you can decide on a next step.
In person in Albany, serving Berkeley, El Cerrito, and the East Bay.
Online throughout California.